The Poop Park

I recognize that this is the second post on my blog with poop in the title.  Maybe we like poop.  Don’t judge.

Tuesday the weather was forecasted to be bright and sunny with little to no chance of rain.  Since this is definitely not what we would call normal these days, we decided to head to the water park with our free tickets, hoping against all hopes that we would have another empty park like the amusement park last week.  Unfortunately, that turned out not to be the case.  Instead, we encountered what could seriously be the most disgusting thing of my life.  Let’s start at the beginning…

We got there and saw tons of glorious slides…and lots of men in Speedos.  Gross.  If you wear a Speedo, I don’t mean to offend, but you should really re-think that decision.  We chose a slide that rode doubles, argued over who got to ride with whom, waited in line for 20 minutes, only to find out at the release point that NONE of the girls were tall enough for the ride.  We won’t even talk about how that should be posted at the entrance to the ride…

So, we stomped walked calmly away to find another ride.  Guess what?  The girls really couldn’t ride any rides.  And the rides were mild.  I’m talking, they could have played lullabies to match the speed.  So, we found the lazy river and donned hideous orange lifejackets that wouldn’t have been effective if we were drowning, but Chinese people can’t swim and are afraid of the water, so they made it a rule.  I may have stomped my feet and pouted to the guard at this point.  I strongly said, in Chinese, mind you,

“I know how to swim.  I don’t like them!  I don’t need one.”
then I smiled super big as he told he I had to wear one anyway.  Harumph!  The water felt marvelous, and this was the best half hour of our time at the park!  We found a kiddie land section after this that actually allowed children to play, so they did some baby slides until they got bored had all their dreams fulfilled, and we went in search of something else.  Did I mention the men were in Speedos?  Let’t talk about modesty for a moment.  Speedos are NOT modest.  They should be outlawed.  I tried not to look, really, I did.  But it was awful on so many levels!  AWFUL, I tell you.  I’m not sure Mom and I have ever laughed so hard.  Well, maybe that one time when I was 13, but we won’t talk about that…
Oh!  I haven’t mentioned the naked little boys either.  There were lots of them.  I’m not sure why they didn’t feel it necessary to cover up their un-circumsized manhood, but for the sake of my girls, I really wished they would have.  And these naked boys bring me to the most horrendous scene I have ever witnessed at a family water park.  Y’all.  Take a deep breath.  We went to this kiddie pool that had teeter-totters and mushroom water things and let the girls jump in, when I turned and saw a child, perhaps 2 or 3, maybe 4, squatting next to the largest pile of mushy, gushy, sick looking poop I have ever seen.  And when I say next to, I mean that he would duck walk to a new location and drop a poop, then go another and drop some more, then kind of stand and run in circles wildly, then squat again.  Oh. My. Gosh.  It was so, rip my eyes out and burn them, nasty.  There were bathrooms everywhere.  This was NOT okay.  There was no excuse for this display of…*shudder* grossness.  We quickly grabbed our girls and got outta there before poop boy jumped back in the water.  Our time at the park came to an end about this time.  We couldn’t stomach any more naked boys, men in Speedos, or piles of poop.

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