Faith · Motherhood

5 Reasons why I lost touch

There are always good reasons in my mind for the reasons why I don’t carve time out to blog.  I thought I would share a few with you so that you, dear friend, can be my encourager.5 reasons

5.  My life feels uninteresting.  Sometimes life over here is just as mundane as life everywhere else.  My days get filled to the brim with homeschooling all the little ducklings that swim around my feet and dinner preparations where every little thing has to be made with love from nothing.  There are days when cooking dinner feels a bit like I imagine it would have felt to look over the vast emptiness of the universe and start to create wonderfully elaborate and creative things as a human not as God who can do ALL things with just a whisper, of course.

4.  My mind is mush and there are no words left.  You know how it is at the end of a long day, when your children have been asking questions all day and your husband needs attention and love and someone unexpectedly shows up for dinner.  When the moment comes at the end of the day, when all is calm and quiet, it takes everything I have to stay awake until an acceptable time for an adult to go to bed.

3.  The pressure to write something witty and engaging is too daunting a task, so I don’t even try.  Yep.  That’s true.  I will remember this when I tell my girls to just try when they really don’t think they can do something.

2.  I feel like a gross imposter.  I want to be able to write an account of all the marvelous things I did for the Lord and how many times I shared His name and how He moved in my world.  But, honestly, a lot of times I can’t do that.  I can tell you how I didn’t bite my girls heads off when they failed their tests and claimed it as my most successful moment of the day.  Or I could tell you about the one child who admitted to peeing from one end of the shower to the other side of the shower because it could hit the wall and how when I heard that, I put my hand on my face and wondered how they will ever get married.  Then there was the time when the stove burner was turned on while a pan of brownies was sitting on top, ruining the pan that was my Grandmas and ruining all the brownies!  Sometimes the only marvelous thing I do all day is survive, hopefully with more grace than the day before.

1. The Enemy is near.  Hands down, this is the number ONE reason I stay away from sharing my thoughts and my heart.  I have never felt the kind of warfare that I have felt since moving to this side of the world, nor would I have ever imagined the frequency.  I can feel myself slipping into a place that is cold and ugly.  A place filled with doubts and lies that must be crawled out of by sheer will.  I know that I am not alone in that pit, but He trusts me to be able to bear so much more than what feels possible.  There have been some wrestling matches with the Father that I fought with tooth and nail to resist what He was telling me to do, rather than to just let go and let Him carry me into His perfect plan.  When I get to this place, this awful, shameful place, I go silent.  If you could see my face, you would see the tears streaming down my cheeks as I fight against curling up and quitting.  It is here, at this point, that He sends reinforcements and we start all over again.  Sometimes YOU are the reinforcement He uses, sometimes it is chocolate cake.  It is always welcomed and received with gratefulness.

So there you have it.  Five reasons I fall off the face of the planet for weeks at a time.  Hopefully it won’t be so long this time.

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6 thoughts on “5 Reasons why I lost touch

  1. Oh, Stephanie! I’m so, so glad you wrote this! You are a good writer, so creative and when you are really honest, I appreciate it. It helps us know we are not alone in our thoughts or feelings. I do want to be your encourager! You are doing a great job! You are descipling three beautiful young women daily. Its amazing what you can do as host and cook! I read your blogs about your parties and events, and I am amazed at your abilities! I’m thankful for you, for your service, and for your honesty! Keep it up! And, remember you’re going to the promised land very soon! =-)

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  2. Oh friend, I love this honest post. I go before Father every time I think of you. Wish I could bring you cupcakes and eat one (or two) with you with a cup of coffee. You’re amazing. xoxo, ash

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  3. I am so sorry for all I your struggles. I can’t even imagine what it must be like to be so far from everything you know. I am so sorry that I haven’t been a better friend. I too get wrapped up in my own struggles and forget (or don’t take time) to reach out to others. I am so glad y’all get to come home to visit soon. I am looking forward to seeing all of you.

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  4. Your blogs make me cry, make me laugh, and remind me that everyone struggles, even on the other side of the world…. but mostly, they encourage me to keep going. Thank you for writing, and i think its ok to take a break sometimes 🙂

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